Fierce Force 💃🏼, last fall was particularly difficult for my daughter and me, although she and the children lived with me from 2010 until February of this year. She was going to college full-time and working full-time. Rather than just helping with the children (ages 9 and 7 at the time), I was providing almost full-time care for them. Add that I was working 50+ hours a week myself and was 62 years old at the time and the overload for both of us was extraordinary.
To make matters worse, my grandson was experiencing a tremendous increase in homework in fourth grade and had a first-year teacher who was overwhelmed. He’d always been an above average student and his grades tanked the first report card period. I was helping him with homework until 10 or 10:30 every night and emailing his teacher and the principal about all the homework and the fact that it required adult assistance to be done and about the disruptive students in his class who kept him from concentrating and learning anything during the day, resulting in me re-teaching lessons at night before we could even start home work. And, I was text-ranting at my daughter about the teacher, his homework, and all the things she was not doing at home. The house was a mess, and I was working 7 days a week, hauling kids to work with me on the weekends.
I have no doubt that she decided to move out (even though she barely makes enough money to pay for rent, utilities and food) because of how stressful life was at home last fall. Everything settled down some once she completed the program she was in but she finally realized that I was doing more to raise her kids than she was. I am sad that she had to leave school because of her decision to move out, but, at the same time, I am relieved that she finally acknowledged and remedied the tremendous burden she was placing on me. She may have to put off school for a few years until the kids are older and more independent, but she won’t be the first or last woman in that situation.
Now, I keep the kids on Saturdays when she is working. I try to dedicate the biggest portion to the day to them and fun activities, but they are great helpers around the house, too. We have quality time together, and I am not the raving maniacal grandmother that I was last fall. We are all happier.
I read much of your posts but am going to go further back and follow your separation story.