I am captivated by the difference in the two words and the meaning they hold for you. This is a great piece, Belinda. Thoughtful, interesting, and very human — how we define ourselves, the words we use to describe our actions and our obsessions, the excuses we make for what feels shameful or unlike the better part of us.
The subtle differences in the words between languages shows how we think and speak in our cultural groups. Why is there a word for this or that in one language but not in another? Why do two words that seem to have the same meaning actually carry different connotations, different shadings of meanings?
My husband is from Argentina. In their unique street language, similar to Spanish but not Spanish, they have the word chispeando, which means something like light rain, but lighter than light rain. Not a drizzle. More like misty but not really that. Something between misty and drizzle. The rain that can be felt but not seen. The rain that is almost not rain. We have no word for that in English although we surely have rains like that. It is chispeando often in Florida. So, why do we have no word for it?
Language is a mystery.
May your spring cleaning, whenever you choose to conduct it, release from the belongings that tether and hold you. We all need freedom from the many things that chain and limit us, physically and spiritually.