Jonas, I recently had the same revelation. I, too, was an LoA student. Read all the books, attended seminars, did all the manifesting exercises, even wrote a blog about my most ambitious manifesting quest. None if it happened, none of it, especially not the big one. After four years, I was left drained, disillusioned, and depressed, and physically ill. The deeper I went into LoA and the manifesting process, the sicker I became with one odd illness after another. Other than back problems from a childhood horseback riding injury, I was basically a very healthy person. I rarely got sick before delving into LoA. I ended my manifesting project and my blog to save my life. Instinctively, I knew it was the cause of health issues that were steadily and inexplicably worsening. Within two weeks, I was well.

I blamed myself for failing at something all the books and seminars told me was so easy. I was happy to be healthy again but a major funk settled over me.

Took me three years to recover. That is exactly what it felt like — recovery. I stopped wanting and wishing and hoping. I needed to let go of imagining and designing the future. It was difficult and depressing but necessary. I felt stuck and helpless. I didn’t realize at the time that I was going through a recovery process. That revelation came at the end. And, while I was recovering, I saw three of my LoA teachers become deathly ill — two died, one survived but was ill for years. All had rare illnesses, all were young. Coincidence? Maybe, but their illnesses and mine were too unusual, especially for our ages, to be explained simply or even medically. Our doctors were all stumped as to why 4 healthy women became so ill so quickly with rare illnesses.

Now, I concentrate on living the life I have and it is beginning to improve, not as I once tried to manifest but in small ways.

I still can’t explain my experience or what happened to my teachers. I don’t know why LoA appears to work for some and not for others. I just know it is not for me.

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I was always a writer but lived in a bookkeeper’s body before I found Medium and broke free — well, almost. Working to work less and write more.

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