My personal experience was love finds you, not the other way around. Get to know yourself before you try to know someone else.

I work with a woman who ended her 30 year marriage when she was 48. An introvert she explored online dating sites rather than hanging out at bars and other common meet-up spots. She spent more than two years scanning profiles and going on disastrous dates. Although her romance-seeking adventures were hilarious stories that provided me with hours of entertainment, they were painfully depressing for her. She stopped the search about 18 months ago and began concentrating on making herself happy. This woman, who married at the age of 18 and who spent her adult life relying on a man, turned her attention to creating a home. Instead of available male profiles, she scrolled through Zillow house profiles. Her dates were with realtors not creeps who were nothing like their fictitious bios. In 2018 she bought a home, her first major purchase as an independent woman. She followed that with a new job. Her rather mousey personality is transforming with confidence and self-reliance. She no longer feels the need to be tethered to a man.

Jonathan, your piece is so true. Find yourself before searching for someone else.

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I was always a writer but lived in a bookkeeper’s body before I found Medium and broke free — well, almost. Working to work less and write more.

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