Names are complicated — particularly for women since we usually change ours at least once in a lifetime. I married the first time in the 1970s when it was rare for a woman not to take her husband’s name. I chose not to but finally gave in because back then, we couldn’t get a joint bank account or joint insurance policies if we were married and didn’t have the same name. I resented being forced by the financial world to change my name.

My then-husband and I were separated but not yet divorced when he died following an operation. Had we divorced before his death, I would have legally been allowed to change back to my maiden without paying any fees. But, his death did not allow the same accommodation. I would have to pay a hefty filing fee and submit documents and be subjected to fingerprinting and a criminal investigation to reclaim my name! I couldn’t afford it at the time so had no choice but to retain his name.

Unless a woman truly wants her husband’s name, I suggest that women not change their names upon marriage. It’s easier now than when I was young to make that choice.