Oh, Zach, I feel your painful anxiety, but can an older lady give you some advice?
30 isn’t old. Many people don’t find their success until much later than that age you’ve yet to reach.
Must your success be extraordinary to be worthy? There are many levels besides extraordinary that are excellent and actually allow time and space to live beyond whatever created the success.
You’ve had many challenges in life. No doubt about that. I admire that you stayed in the game, even though you’re not the quarterback. You keep playing and that’s courageous.
I gently suggest concentrating on your health for the next year. Then, see what happens when you feel stronger.
Your life won’t begin when you reach a certain goal or achieve a predetermined level of success. Your life is now. Please, don’t discount what is happening at this moment — good, bad, or unspectacular — this is your life. Pay attention. Do what you can now. The rest will come.
I and many others believe in you.
Hugs from Florida.