Perhaps. It was stronger when I was younger but also braided with my guilt about my mother dying when I was 3 months old. She didn’t want to get pregnant again but was pushed into it by a doctor who said the only way a woman gets over the death of one baby is to have another. Her pregnancy with me was hard. She gained a lot of weight and starved herself after I was born to lose the extra pounds, even while taking care of an infant and two needy daughters in elementary school. I always believed she died because my brother died and because she gave birth to me. A double whammy of guilt.

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I was always a writer but lived in a bookkeeper’s body before I found Medium and broke free — well, almost. Working to work less and write more.

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