Thanks for reading and commenting, WysWoman. It’s hard to find comfort in shared fears, though. I doubt if the Jews waiting outside gas chambers felt solace in knowing they would die as a group. Sometimes reading or hearing the worries of others doubles my own. I’ve become somewhat of a recluse this past year, avoiding others who share my concerns because I can’t bear the thought of being pulled into another conversation of rage or despair, and avoiding everyone else because I’m sure they voted for our disastrous president.
Last year I skipped all holiday parties, preferring low key celebrations with immediate family. This year, I’ve ventured out more, usually regretting my choice to attempt a normal life, one that ignores the dangerous clown show in the White House.
At a client’s holiday dinner party last night, I choked down my raging indignation as one of the partners, a die-hard Republican who certainly voted for DT, gave a prayer asking for mercy for the poor, the hungry, the homeless, and those with chronic or fatal illnesses. I wanted to scream that his vote eliminated any chance of national mercy for those people, his vote worsened their situations, his vote destroyed what little hope they had. I so regretted being there, allowing my silence to indicate my approval of what I abhor.
It became quite clear to me that so many Republicans hold high the banner of religion because they want g(G)od to accept full responsibility for the destitute and disenfranchised, gladly ignoring their own stewardship and accountability for the less fortunate, happily passing the buck as they live in luxury. I wanted to be brave enough to say my truth and walk away, not worrying that more than half my income is from that one company. I wasn’t brave.
Today I feel complicit and ashamed and terribly sad that economics won again, economics silenced truth, silenced me.