Thanks so much for commenting, Agnes Louis! Well into adulthood, I, too, had a strong physical reaction to my mistakes. Realizing my error in a situation, my heart would race, my chest tighten, and I’d want to run away. My brain would race to create and excuse, a plausible explanation, an escape route.
Terrible way to live, isn’t it? I had to create a new life in my 50’s to free myself from the chains of childhood anxieties. Slowly, very slowly, I learned to accept my mistakes, forgiving myself for being human like everyone else.
I am sorry you experienced the same childhood trauma. Hopefully, you recovered much earlier in life than I did. Mistakes are proof we are living, trying, striving.