WTF? No party? At Jack’s house? Damn, now I gotta put the 747 back in the hangar! Ben’s crying. He wanted to make an asado in Pennsylvania at Jack’s house for all these people he doesn’t know. Erik, cancel the Heineken. Tracy, put your tea back in the cupboard. Sherry, sorry, no sangria wars. Harper, you’ll have to sing and eat your “special” brownies alone. Roy, no big hunks of meat for you.

First, Kavanaugh and now this! It sucks to be an American.