Yeah, trying to come up with a big close but got nothing. Feeling really displaced and distressed after the Kavanaugh debacle. Not even working this morning and that is huge for me. I always work — really good at burying feelings and illness. Funny how I worked every day with a stomach virus but couldn’t bring myself to show up today. Just can’t. By afternoon, I will be overwhelmed with guilt and go in to work for the very people who marginalize women and all who aren’t white and middle class or above. Oddly, there are far more women in that office who vote against themselves and other women than there are men. I’d call it ironic but it’s more than that — it’s sadomasochism mixed with a strange toxic loyalty to people and institutions that are harmful to all women and everyone who is marginalized. Such a bizarre and dangerous blindness.

But, now, this moment, no, I can’t work. Even breathing is difficult. The air seems smoggy and sick, which it really isn’t, but how it feels to me. HIbernation is alluring.

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I was always a writer but lived in a bookkeeper’s body before I found Medium and broke free — well, almost. Working to work less and write more.

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