You have no reason to apologize, Agnes. Christmas is a complicated, often difficult, always challenging time. I, like you, are deeply blue. My grandchildren are hundreds of miles away and won’t be visiting. Since they moved 1 1/2 years ago, my life has been numb. There is no Christmas in my world — no decorations, no tree, and definitely no damn Christmas songs. I sent a package north to them — that was my only participation in the season.
Even when Christmas was my favorite time of year, I disliked how society demands we be jolly and filled with joy during December. Our feelings are not calendared. We have the right to feel whatever our bodies, minds, and souls are feeling no matter the date on the calendar.
My work is typically crazy this time of year — and, this year, it’s particularly frantic. Even when I felt like celebrating, it was difficult to do while working 7 days a week. I would completely deplete myself trying to work as much as possible, shop, decorate, socialize, etc. Why? All because society convinces us we have to do that.
The older, and I hope wiser, I get, the more I dislike the holidays. So much pressure to be or to do — so much commercialization — so much unnecessary spending and running about — too much of everything.
You define what your Christmas will be. And, perhaps, Christmas for you this year is the missing of your mother. And, that is perfectly fine.
Be you this Christmas!